Tuesday, March 21, 2006

St. Joseph!

I'm SUCH a wretch. I didn't even post on your feast day! But you know, we love you. But it's more of a need-love... we neeeeeed you!

Novenas never end up the way you see it in your head. I guess that's part of the point- they force you to conform your will more and more to the Lord's by purifying your desires. What do you really want? Do you trust Him?

I know a lot of people get visible and real signs at the end of novenas. St. Therese is of course the most famous, and many of my friends have amazing stories about receiving a rose from Therese. That has never happened for me. Each time I think maybe it's because of my lack of zeal, or trust, or something else that I've "done wrong". This time I just asked for some sign, anything really, to let me know that St. Joseph heard me. And he did hear me... I know he did, but, as for a sign... not so much. I'm supposed to have faith and I am weak. But I do believe, Lord, help my unbelief.

As I began the novena, I thought perhaps I knew a man who might be my St. Joseph. By the end, he helped me to see that it is not so, but that person is a kind of promise. He also drew my thoughts to a friend from the past to pray for him, especially that his very real gift of thoughtfulness, lacking in some very good men, may find fulfilment and truth in Christ. He also opened my eyes to the real gift of the Holy Spirit who will always direct my heart if I let Him and stay attentive to His presence.

Not what I asked for, but what I needed. Thank you, Joseph.


+ Light + said...
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+ Light + said...

"I know a lot of people get visible and real signs at the end of novenas." Ohhhh DUH! It's just now dawning on me how significant a particular occurrence on Monday is for me! Besides praying for the wretches, one of my intentions for the novena to St. Joseph was to pray for men!! that they be holy, that they even have a desire to be holy!, that they be who and what men ought to be! Personally, I know hundreds of godly women... but how many holy men do I know that well? - a few dozen? now certainly that stat could be due to incidental social circles (I do really believe there are more out there than I know!), and I definitely hope hope hope that the reason so few bear such 'status' is not because my standards are too high! But I just don't know that many guys who truly have a heart for God or who inspire me with His life they reflect. That's my reality, so I wanted to pray for all men of the world to have the courage and virtue they were made for!
After Mass on Monday at the chapel in St. Mary's hospital (when of course I earnestly prayed men would follow the model of St. Joseph), I rode the employee shuttle bus back to the Clinic to finish my walk home, as usual. Here's the experience that was so meaningful for me: I happened to be near the back of the bus, because many who were now done with their workday and eager to get home had already boarded. Once stopped, the young guy sitting across from me didn't even move toward the aisle - he waited for me to stand up and step out ahead of him. By this point the man who had been sitting in front of me was already standing in his seat but facing me and patiently waiting - with a big, boyish grin he said, "you're a girl - you go first!" and motioned for me to move past his seat. Now, I was in the aisle ready to exit the side door of the bus, and looking up to merge with people coming from the front that also were exiting this door, I was face to face with another, yet older fellow, whose eyes were smiling and countenance beaming. He too was stopped (holding up a few guys behind him) and letting me take the steps down off the bus before him. I had gladly returned smiles and full-hearted "thank you!"s at each moment; and no, it's not unheard of for a male citizen here to have such manners, but as I stepped off the bus, I was really struck by this triple encounter that seemed amplified with special attention. And I had wished that 8 seconds earlier I had had the mindset to respond with, "and you're a gentleman!" to the second guy. As I walked away from the bus, I was a little stunned and just in awe at what had just transpired. "Wow, God, thank You! I felt loved by You, there! And thank you, St. Joseph, for such a gift on your Feast Day!"
But it's because of this blog's reminder now that I see perhaps St. Joe was not just blessing the day, he was directly answering my novena! Woah! sorry I was so blind to the evident response, O Patron of mine! Such an intercessor! Grace's intervention is Way Cool!! Praise God!!!

earthie said...

Light, that is AWESOME!!! Thank you so much for sharing that story, and for such a great intention. Go St. Joe!