Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Little Wretches

Blessed is she...

Blessed is she who believes in the promise yet to be fulfilled in her.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Friday, May 05, 2006

Another Round Please

Part of being human is the longing for the infinite. There's this desire always lingering below the surface that everything good last forever. It's one of the things that buoys my faith and hope fairly often.

"If no one has promised you anything... why are you waiting?"
I am waiting for everything! I am waiting for the day when I don't have to leave a place with people that I love or watch people that I love leave. I am waiting to know that all these times when I leave a party earlier than I want to have merit somehow and I'm not just missing out. That as good as it is to be with people and laugh now, it will be infinitely better then.
"We always want another round," Fr. Antonio says. Just one more. The thing is, it doesn't matter how many there are... you'll always want another because what this world's got is never enough. It will never be enough.
I've been thinking about these things for obvious reasons, and fighting with the Lord about them (why does it have to be this way? this sucks!) but it's good. It's good to realize what's going on and hopefully it will make me cling tighter to Him who is hidden within all of these joyful moments, promising me a "forever".

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Just show up

We read a section from Giussani's Why the Church? last week which was, as usual, well-timed in my life. (Wave has commented on that before- so many times, books sit on your shelf until just the right moment.)

Giussani described a worker who comes before his boss (he travels far to get there), and just stands there wringing his hat, barely able to say a word. But just the fact that he's there speaks volumes to the landlord/boss person. (I'm oh-so-eloquent today)

Anyway, point is... that's basically all we are before the Lord; mendicants begging for we-don't-even-know-what. Think about that image for a while; it's so beautiful. See someone with kinda ratty clothes, kine dirty... just playing with his hat and sheepish. Obviously there's a big dis-analogy... Jesus is Jesus after all so we're a lot "lower" compared to Him than any man to his boss.

Gosh I'm not getting far today.

Anyway, one of the men in our group talked about how much he loved the image and how it's so beautiful that really all we have to do is show up. He mentioned how the Church asks her children to come to communion at least once a year- at Easter.

"Just show up, once a year, just show up; He'll do the rest" is how he put it. Can't you hear her? "Please," the Church says, "You are mine, you belong to me... come home, I love you." Like any good mother; If once a year is all she gets to see you, she'll be really glad to see you.

My mom would always get huffy about the "twice-a-year-Catholics" who crowded the Church on Christmas and Easter. She was always annoyed by it, every year, and for so long I would have agreed and been annoyed too. Who do they think they are? Show up twice a year, think that's good enough.

Thing is... what's good enough?

This new perspective is so good for me... I hope that the full Churches at Christmas and Easter will always give my heart joy rather than irritation. How great is the mercy of our God, who calls people continuously, constantly asking them to come to Him. At least once a year, a lot of people listen. They do it. And even if they don't get it, He gets them.

There, in His presence, for an hour.

There's a lot God can do in an hour, I think.

One More Day

Tomorrow is my last day of work at the good ol' Conference. Which pretty much means it will be my last day as a somewhat regular blogger.

Thanks for reading! Maybe the other wretches will "take over" more, or maybe this site will just become a memorial of my wonderful two years here. I do not know what the future holds... I hope to teach high school, because I just think all this stuff is too important to have only learned it in grad school. We've gotta get into the lives of young people! I want to be like the cool woman who writes Scrutinies, haha.

I said when I started this blog that it was only because I had a job where I had nothing to do and a computer sitting in front of me. I admit it has been fun... though maybe not so good for the whole pride thing. But as long as I find a job to love, and live around people I love, and continue to write letters and keep up other random interests, I fully expect and hope to be much too busy to keep this up.

For those who I have enjoyed "getting to know" a little bit in this little world... Thanks! You're great. It would be wonderful if Providence would bring us together sometime on our journeys, and if not on earth I'm sure we'll hang out in heaven and laugh about how we used to comment on the other's "blog"- and laugh about the word "blog." I'll remember y'all.

And who knows, maybe I won't find a job. Or it will be boring. Or any number of things. So maybe it's not goodbye. In fact... this summer I'll be unemployed. Perhaps I'll have a lot to say. Anyway. That's enough sentiment for now. I hope to write a few more "real" posts before I go. Love ya! Let's be saints :)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Longing of the Apostles

O Jesus, how long is the life of man, even though it is said to be short! It is short, my God, for gaining through it a life that cannot end; but it is very long for the soul that desires to come into the presence of its God. What remedy do you provide for this suffering? There isn't any, except when one suffers for you.
O gentle repose of my God's lovers! You don't fail anyone who loves you, since through you the tormen the beloved causes the soul desiring him must both increase and be mitigated. I desire, Lord, to please you; but my happiness I know well doesn't lie with any mortal beings. Since this is true, you will not blame my desire. See me here, Lord; if it's necessary to live in order to render you some service, I don't refuse all the trials that can come to me on earth...May my desires be worthwhile, my God, before your divine presence, and don't look at my lack of merit. May we all merit to love you, Lord. Now that we must live may we live for you, may our desires and self-interests come to an end. What greater thing can be gained than to please you? O my happiness and my God, what shall I do to please you? Miserable are my services, even though I may have rendered many to my God. Why, then, must I remain in this miserable wretchedness? That the will of the Lord may be done. What greater gain, my soul? Wait, wait, for you know niether the day nor the hour. Watch with care, for everything passes quickly, even though your desire make the certain doubtful and the short time long. Behold the more you struggle the more you show the love you have for your God and the more you will rejoice in your beloved with a joy and delight that cannot end.
-St. Teresa of Avila

"We thank you for counting us worthy to stand in your presence and serve you" (Eucharistic Prayer II). I am always in awe of this statement of thanksgiving. He wants us to stand with Him, in His very presence, despite our shortcomings. Not far away in a corner somewhere, but united with Him in love, serving Him. Why? Because He is love and in love He created us to be. As St. Teresa says, "don't look at my lack of merit," Lord, but by your grace alone allow me to respond to you, Love, in and out love, not on my own accord but because you first loved me. It only seems logical to me to desire to serve Him, that is, when the heart is inclined toward He who is. Not out of duty or obligation, but simply because love so greatly envelopes your heart that that is it's only response.

I'm quite sure that the JPII Institute women could comment more profoundly (and I'm sure more coherently) on this, so any further thought would be welcomed. I also wanted to thank all of you who have shared your learnings with me recently on these topics. What a blessing it has been to learn from you and thus have a greater understanding of our most loving God!

Saint Philip and Saint James, pray for us!