St. Augustine and Wretchedness

St. Augustine is totally a friend of the wretches!

As if we needed further proof... Fr. Fisher said a beeeautiful special mass for Sr. Rain on Monday evening and he bust(ed?) out a first class relic so that St. Augie could give us each a blessing!

The occasion? Our Sr. Rain is off to the Sisters of Life! We are so happy for her and wish her the best. Given the miraculous way the Lord cleared up the medical concerns that could have prevented it, I think the sisters would have had a hard time saying no :)

Gosh, I'm just the announcement queen these days. At least that's all for a while- right ladies?

Rosemary's beautiful post

Check it out y'all:
Little Low Heavens: Lift Up Your Arms

Adoro te devote

Like what tender tales tell of the Pelican

Bathe me, Jesus Lord, in what Thy Bosom ran

Blood that but one drop of has the pow'r to win

All the world forgiveness of its world of sin.

Mountains and Volcanoes!

The beautiful young lady on the right- next to her sister Water on the left- Sr. Mountain, is joining the Dominican Sisters of Mary,Mother of the Eucharist next week. Pray for her continued joy and peace in this discernment and important step in her becoming more who she is! She is such a blessing to the wretches and we will all miss her presence even as we rejoice in her gift of self!



And perhaps appropriately at the same time, we welcome a new Sister: Volcano! She will always remind us of both Mountain and Fire. Yay!!!

Community announcements...

I'm happy to announce that we have a Sr. Clouds now- Erin G!

Also happy to announce that Sr. Light is "graduating" from her crazily complicated neuro-something program in MN. Yay!!! Congratulations Light!!!

We've heard from Sr. Moon's mom who says that she's vastly contented at the motherhouse of the Nashville Dominicans and will receive her new name and the habit on August 14th... when her younger sister will also be entering the convent. "Jesus be praised!" as her mother wrote.

Also both happy and sad to announce that Sr. Dawn will be continuing her wretchedness, but in Florida; We're so happy that she's found a call to nursing but sad that it means she's moving!

Sr. Sunrise has joined the ranks of those called to the married state and is engaged! Perhaps a couple more announcements like this will not be far away...

And before the summer is out, we will probably have at least a couple more announcements to make about members joining religious orders! We're praying for you ladies! Never forget that you are first and forever a wretch :) What an exciting time to be alive in the Church!!!

Too Cute

I hadn't visited the site recently, but this picture says it all!!!!

The caption is "On our way to chemotherapy, get excited!" How much do we love Sr. Sea and her husband?

Keep praying for them y'all.

A Spicy Wedding

Veni Sancte Spiritu! Our Sister Spice was united last Friday to her handsome husband. Doesn't she look gorgeous?




This was taken during the mass from my great view :)

Missionaries of the Eucharist

Have you met them yet? Here's the website and Sr. Sand is on the walk with them, spreading the message of the Theology of the Body and looking to spread the Gospel of Life. I also met a couple of them at a praise and worship night... they are really great and totally on fire for the Lord! Let's keep them in our prayers.

Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

Now that I got that awful song in your head.... hehe.

Thank you so much to all of you who made my birthday so special; Rarely have I felt so loved both in the presence of friends at my house and the messages I received. Wow this wretch is so blessed!!!

Today is the installation mass for Bishop Weurl, our new Archbishop here in DC. He is the Shepherd the Lord has chosen for us, and I hope that he will be humble, courageous and prepared for the enormous task that it is.

I'm hoping to get a seat since I sprained my ankle or did something funky to it yesterday playing soccer. shoooooot. NOT GOOD considering I'm leaving for WorkCamp tomorrow. Is there a patron saint of sprained ankles? Please pray for the 300+ teens that will be there; that they may encounter Christ in their service and our reflections and activities.

Still looking for a job. I want to teach high school religion/theology. I'm willing to move... anyone know of anything???? I thought this would be easy, but it's not turning out that way. There's a plan, right?

Mid-Twenties Crisis

Last night while I was with some friends/wretches I do not see very often, we talked about our mid-twenties crisis, brought on in a particular way by being around or talking about our friends who are already living their vocations (beautifully, might I add). It especially comes on when said friends are younger than you. By years.

We didn't talk too much in depth about it but I'll try to articulate my frustrations and they can affirm or deny them.

• I'm tired of moving. Basically, I'm tired of temporary homes. You move somewhere, live there for a year, then at least one roommate gets married, the house changes, or you don't have a job and have to move home again, only to be wondering when you'll be able to move out once more and who you can live with who isn't guaranteed to be getting married a year from now, all the while secretly hoping one day it will be you.
• When you go to parties with your married-with-children friends (who you LOVE), you're pretty much the only single woman there and may even be asked, "Where is your husband?" (true story- I should have replied, "You tell me!")
• You get lots of comments from you family and friends along the lines of, "But you're such a catch! What's wrong with those guys?" Which you appreciate but at the same time wonder about because it can't really be all their fault, can it?
• Many conversations go like this, "Do you ever hear from so-and-so?" "Oh, yeah! She's engaged- it's coming up next month." or "Yeah she's entering the CFRs in a week"
• You have many many many girl friends who are all in the same boat as you, and you love being with them but you have to laugh about having a "girls' night" because every night is a girls' night.
• And finally... You have to sit in a cublicle for hours to make money to pay rent for your temporary living situation and discuss "career options" and try to sell yourself, all the while thinking, "Actually, all I want to do is get married and have children."

Along those lines, I'll relate a story from my junior year of college. I received a letter in campus mail saying that I'd been nominated for some kind of award/scholarship program. There were a million steps, and I had to go to the dean's office to be interviewed. I went to her office, having no real idea what I was in for. She said congratulations and some nice things about my studies, and then asked the question I knew was coming but still dreaded, "What do you want to do?" I froze. By this point I had figured out that the most important thing in my life was my faith, and that I really wanted to help people. Something vague. I didn't know how to answer her question adequately and I think I literally said, "I don't know; I'm not sure." She said, "That is not an acceptable answer for an intelligent young woman." and proceeded to lecture me on that fact and how she couldn't possibly recommend me for anything if I could not answer such a simple question.

I said, I agree. Keep it; I don't want it! And left in tears. I recall with perfect clarity that I just wanted to say, "I just want to get married and have a family!" but knew that that would go over even worse than "I don't know", if that was possible. That reaction actually surprised me at the time- particularly because I wasn't raised at all to consciously think that that was most important. It was never a question in my house whether I'd go to college or whether I was expected to do something with my mind. Of course I was! School was important, and finding something you loved to do was as well. I also never dated anyone so it's not as if I was always thinking about it or actively "husband hunting." But faced with the question by a stranger I found the answer in myself.

Three years later I'm wondering if it was just me, or the Holy Spirit, or both. That's where the mid-twenties crisis comes in. How do you know if you're doing God's will or just seeking your own desires. Because this time of our life is inherently selfish. The only person you're responsible for... is you. You're not really accountable to anyone else; You're not bound to a person, place, even country. You could go anywhere, at any time, for any reason, if you have the means to do it. Yikes.

Well maybe ONCE in a while

Just once in a while...

Tonight is the vigil mass of Pentecost- a feast that I never understood so well as I do now and certainly never celebrated as well as I plan on doing. Tonight, mirroring what is happening in Rome, we have a mass at the basilica with members of all of the ecclesial movements who have responded to the breath of the Holy Spirit in joining them. I will be singing with the Communion & Liberation schola, and though I'm in no way an "official" member of CL, I love it a lot and am really glad to spend this feast with them.

Tomorrow, Sr. Wave and I are having a Pentecost party. haha. It's gonna be great fun.

In that same breath, we pray for Sr. Spice's grandmother, who passed away this week to join her husband who died only a short time ago.

The Spirit moves where He wills... You give and take away.

The Holy Father signed this kid's cast.

I heart Rome

Holy Family in Joseph's workshop.

Crucifix.

Contemplate that one.

Another Round Please

Part of being human is the longing for the infinite. There's this desire always lingering below the surface that everything good last forever. It's one of the things that buoys my faith and hope fairly often.

"If no one has promised you anything... why are you waiting?"

I am waiting for everything! I am waiting for the day when I don't have to leave a place with people that I love or watch people that I love leave. I am waiting to know that all these times when I leave a party earlier than I want to have merit somehow and I'm not just missing out. That as good as it is to be with people and laugh now, it will be infinitely better then.

"We always want another round," Fr. Antonio says. Just one more. The thing is, it doesn't matter how many there are... you'll always want another because what this world's got is never enough. It will never be enough.

I've been thinking about these things for obvious reasons, and fighting with the Lord about them (why does it have to be this way? this sucks!) but it's good. It's good to realize what's going on and hopefully it will make me cling tighter to Him who is hidden within all of these joyful moments, promising me a "forever".

Just show up

We read a section from Giussani's Why the Church? last week which was, as usual, well-timed in my life. (Wave has commented on that before- so many times, books sit on your shelf until just the right moment.)

Giussani described a worker who comes before his boss (he travels far to get there), and just stands there wringing his hat, barely able to say a word. But just the fact that he's there speaks volumes to the landlord/boss person. (I'm oh-so-eloquent today)

Anyway, point is... that's basically all we are before the Lord; mendicants begging for we-don't-even-know-what. Think about that image for a while; it's so beautiful. See someone with kinda ratty clothes, kine dirty... just playing with his hat and sheepish. Obviously there's a big dis-analogy... Jesus is Jesus after all so we're a lot "lower" compared to Him than any man to his boss.

Gosh I'm not getting far today.

Anyway, one of the men in our group talked about how much he loved the image and how it's so beautiful that really all we have to do is show up. He mentioned how the Church asks her children to come to communion at least once a year- at Easter.

"Just show up, once a year, just show up; He'll do the rest" is how he put it. Can't you hear her? "Please," the Church says, "You are mine, you belong to me... come home, I love you." Like any good mother; If once a year is all she gets to see you, she'll be really glad to see you.

My mom would always get huffy about the "twice-a-year-Catholics" who crowded the Church on Christmas and Easter. She was always annoyed by it, every year, and for so long I would have agreed and been annoyed too. Who do they think they are? Show up twice a year, think that's good enough.

Thing is... what's good enough?

This new perspective is so good for me... I hope that the full Churches at Christmas and Easter will always give my heart joy rather than irritation. How great is the mercy of our God, who calls people continuously, constantly asking them to come to Him. At least once a year, a lot of people listen. They do it. And even if they don't get it, He gets them.

There, in His presence, for an hour.

There's a lot God can do in an hour, I think.

One More Day

Tomorrow is my last day of work at the good ol' Conference. Which pretty much means it will be my last day as a somewhat regular blogger.

Thanks for reading! Maybe the other wretches will "take over" more, or maybe this site will just become a memorial of my wonderful two years here. I do not know what the future holds... I hope to teach high school, because I just think all this stuff is too important to have only learned it in grad school. We've gotta get into the lives of young people! I want to be like the cool woman who writes Scrutinies, haha.

I said when I started this blog that it was only because I had a job where I had nothing to do and a computer sitting in front of me. I admit it has been fun... though maybe not so good for the whole pride thing. But as long as I find a job to love, and live around people I love, and continue to write letters and keep up other random interests, I fully expect and hope to be much too busy to keep this up.

For those who I have enjoyed "getting to know" a little bit in this little world... Thanks! You're great. It would be wonderful if Providence would bring us together sometime on our journeys, and if not on earth I'm sure we'll hang out in heaven and laugh about how we used to comment on the other's "blog"- and laugh about the word "blog." I'll remember y'all.

And who knows, maybe I won't find a job. Or it will be boring. Or any number of things. So maybe it's not goodbye. In fact... this summer I'll be unemployed. Perhaps I'll have a lot to say. Anyway. That's enough sentiment for now. I hope to write a few more "real" posts before I go. Love ya! Let's be saints :)

The Longing of the Apostles

O Jesus, how long is the life of man, even though it is said to be short! It is short, my God, for gaining through it a life that cannot end; but it is very long for the soul that desires to come into the presence of its God. What remedy do you provide for this suffering? There isn't any, except when one suffers for you.
O gentle repose of my God's lovers! You don't fail anyone who loves you, since through you the tormen the beloved causes the soul desiring him must both increase and be mitigated. I desire, Lord, to please you; but my happiness I know well doesn't lie with any mortal beings. Since this is true, you will not blame my desire. See me here, Lord; if it's necessary to live in order to render you some service, I don't refuse all the trials that can come to me on earth...May my desires be worthwhile, my God, before your divine presence, and don't look at my lack of merit. May we all merit to love you, Lord. Now that we must live may we live for you, may our desires and self-interests come to an end. What greater thing can be gained than to please you? O my happiness and my God, what shall I do to please you? Miserable are my services, even though I may have rendered many to my God. Why, then, must I remain in this miserable wretchedness? That the will of the Lord may be done. What greater gain, my soul? Wait, wait, for you know niether the day nor the hour. Watch with care, for everything passes quickly, even though your desire make the certain doubtful and the short time long. Behold the more you struggle the more you show the love you have for your God and the more you will rejoice in your beloved with a joy and delight that cannot end.
-St. Teresa of Avila

"We thank you for counting us worthy to stand in your presence and serve you" (Eucharistic Prayer II). I am always in awe of this statement of thanksgiving. He wants us to stand with Him, in His very presence, despite our shortcomings. Not far away in a corner somewhere, but united with Him in love, serving Him. Why? Because He is love and in love He created us to be. As St. Teresa says, "don't look at my lack of merit," Lord, but by your grace alone allow me to respond to you, Love, in and out love, not on my own accord but because you first loved me. It only seems logical to me to desire to serve Him, that is, when the heart is inclined toward He who is. Not out of duty or obligation, but simply because love so greatly envelopes your heart that that is it's only response.

I'm quite sure that the JPII Institute women could comment more profoundly (and I'm sure more coherently) on this, so any further thought would be welcomed. I also wanted to thank all of you who have shared your learnings with me recently on these topics. What a blessing it has been to learn from you and thus have a greater understanding of our most loving God!

Saint Philip and Saint James, pray for us!

Cute dot com

I heart girl friends

I never really had a tomboy stage. There were boys in my neighborhood growing up, and they were cool and all, but they rarely wanted to do the same stuff as us, and when we'd build forts there was usually a girl fort and a boy fort. (The girl fort was always much prettier)

Sistas Wave and Spice were babysitting for 7 kids one night, and they just naturally split up into boys and girls. Spice said that the girls made her stand lookout to make sure none of the boys came near them, and they kept wondering "what if the boys come in, what do we do?"

Meanwhile, Wave was with the boys playing video games. They were completely uninterested in whatever was going on with the girls. It didn't come up; They were playing a game.

Dr. Mango in class yesterday talked about how if two men go fishing; they just fish. Being together is enough, they're doing something together; they're parallel. Two women wouldn't do that. Spice, Grass and I spent like 4 straight hours talking a few nights ago.

Likewise, this afternoon my lunch was spent with two girl friends, dissecting every move that a man made in reference to one of them. We are amazing analysts; We should get paid for this. We were just trying to help our friend come to some peace, reassure her of her worthiness & coolness and remind her that God's will is always the best even when it hurts. What struck me was the fact that I'm 98% certain that said man is not thinking this way at all. He has no idea that we sat in Quiznos talking about him- not in a bad way, I hope, in a "really, he's a good guy, he's not messing with you, we're just over-analyzing" kind of way. And I'm pretty sure he's not sitting in any parallel Quiznos asking his guy buddies for advice about it. He's thinking, "hey, she's cool, we'll see what happens." He's not stressin about it.

Now, if we could just find some happy medium... that'd be fantastic... but I guess that's the fun of it :)

Sadness

The couple who wrote Open Embrace have changed their minds about contraception.

One of their cited books is The Sacrament of Love by Paul Evdokimov, an Orthodox theologian who is a very good and convincing writer. He happens to be wrong, but he makes a very pretty and tempting case for contraception. If you read him, just keep reminding yourself about the Cross. Does he see it as having a place in marriage? If not, how does his theology stay together?

They write:

"our personal experience in the past five years has shown that we had a lot to learn about NFP, and that there is a dark side we weren’t aware of... NFP reaches a point where it is more harmful for a marriage than good."


I just feel for these people. They "discovered" the wrongness of contraception and embraced it with joy... but did not anticipate that beauty and fruitfulness is only found bound up with the Cross. Do you remember Christ's words:


Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it had not much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil; and when the sun rose it was scorched, and since it had no root it withered away. (Mk 4:5-6)

"We now fully believe in the power of the Resurrection and we no longer live our lives constantly on the alert for "selfishness."... One example: wanting to make love to your spouse often is a good thing, but NFP often lays an unfair burden of guilt on men for feeling this."

Can't have Easter without Good Friday. And I know I for one do have to live my life on the alert for selfishness! NFP is certainly not designed to make men feel guilty- in fact, I believe it stresses the goodness of wanting to be with your spouse but suggests that this has to be at the service of love.

"We also see honest congruity with the language of the body by saying "no" to conception with our bodies (via barrier methods or sensual massage) when our minds and hearts are also saying "no" to conception. "

Now that is very interesting!! wow!! Basically, by affirming the language of the body, they argue that since they're not open to life, they shouldn't pretend to be. They're so honest, you see... they jsut don't take it the next step-"if we're not open to life, and this is inherently a life-giving act, maybe we shouldn't be doing it." So they recognize, in a way, that they are not giving themselves fully to the other because they reject the fertility of the other and any possible child that could come from the union. There can be darn good reasons for avoiding a pregnancy; the question is whether that means you can determine what the sexual act means.

The couple advocates "realistic abstinence." Pet peeve of mine, this whole "realistic" argument. As Annie would say, "What are the concrete possibilities of man?!?! What man are we talking about? Man redeemed by Christ??"

As for it being a theological attack on women to require abstinence... interesting choice of language there. Maybe the fact that God created women in this way (that her peak sexual desire corresponds to ovulation) should actually be teaching us about women rather than annoying us. Perhaps it's true that her sexuality is deeply imbedded in and informed by the possibility of giving life. Makes sense to me. Seems like really good motivation to have lots of babies.