Friday, December 16, 2005

Stop it, Self.

Part of being human is the desire to infinitize the instant. To hold on to some good thing and make it eternal. We had a retreat last weekend given by a wonderful priest involved in CL. He pointed this out, along with a number of other awesome soundbites that I could chew on for a long time. If you're lucky I'll include them at the end of this post.

One of the biggest temptations I face is wanting everything to stay the same. I'm so content with most everything, that when things change I take a while to adjust. Usually I don't like the change. I almost always dislike a new job or position or school or semester for at least 2 weeks. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I always identified with Anne of Green Gables as a girl, and how I still do; "Why do people have to change? Why can't things just stay the way they've always been?" Of course, it is part of being human that all things change- the earth is passing away! And God is always asking us to trust and live our dependence on Him by following, and gives us new ways of finding Him.

Last year after finals, a big group of us JPII students took over a little restaurant to celebrate together. We had the entire place to ourselves, set up 4 or 5 tables and wandered from one to another. People brought their spouses and/or children. One of our professors joined the party. The class ahead of us was great at promoting "communio" and we were eager to be a part of it.

So naturally, I wanted the same thing to happen this year. I wanted us all to celebrate together. Of course, many factors have changed. 4 of our classmates have babies they didn't have a year ago. The last exams for us were on Thursday instead of Friday, so some students or spouses had work the next day, and the phD students weren't yet finished with their papers. All very good reasons not to be surprised at the lack of enthusiasm for a get-together at the pub. But it still made me sad. A big part of it is that the 2 people most in my life here were already gone for home (my roommates) and another has a boyfriend and spent it with him instead.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time last night, talking and dancing and seeing people. I was disappointed because of something as simple as "It's not like last year." No, self, it never will be like last year! These are different people, lives have changed, and I have to learn to love the real and not the image in my head. I wish that weren't so difficult.

Other great soundbites for reflection:
  • We always run from God. We fear He is the enemy, and He has to keep reminding us (prophets) that we're running and that He has done nothing to warrant it. He's always kept His promises. Why are we running?
  • There's nothing worse to the human being than the uninvited unforeseen.
  • God hates abstraction. (I love that one.)


Kateri said...

Hi there! It was good to see you again on Friday.

I love your post -- change is a difficult thing for everyone. One of the hardest changes I've experienced was leaving college and starting on my own. The greatest part about it is that things are so much better than planned and I am doing so many things I would have never done in college!

Have a very Merry Christmas and I hope to see you soon!

Jacques said...

earth! i have discovered your blog, thanks to a link from iguana! this wretch thanks you for many inspirational thoughts...
i have a blog too, if you ever should feel like checking it out:
have a great christmas, you wretch!

Philothea Rose said...

I am the same way about change and experienced much of the same sentiments over a 4th of july gathering this past year. I am the type of person who loves comraderie, and so when I see a change in it among people I am close to, I also have to remind myself to live in the here and now and to embrace reality.