Another Round Please

Part of being human is the longing for the infinite. There's this desire always lingering below the surface that everything good last forever. It's one of the things that buoys my faith and hope fairly often.

"If no one has promised you anything... why are you waiting?"

I am waiting for everything! I am waiting for the day when I don't have to leave a place with people that I love or watch people that I love leave. I am waiting to know that all these times when I leave a party earlier than I want to have merit somehow and I'm not just missing out. That as good as it is to be with people and laugh now, it will be infinitely better then.

"We always want another round," Fr. Antonio says. Just one more. The thing is, it doesn't matter how many there are... you'll always want another because what this world's got is never enough. It will never be enough.

I've been thinking about these things for obvious reasons, and fighting with the Lord about them (why does it have to be this way? this sucks!) but it's good. It's good to realize what's going on and hopefully it will make me cling tighter to Him who is hidden within all of these joyful moments, promising me a "forever".

Just show up

We read a section from Giussani's Why the Church? last week which was, as usual, well-timed in my life. (Wave has commented on that before- so many times, books sit on your shelf until just the right moment.)

Giussani described a worker who comes before his boss (he travels far to get there), and just stands there wringing his hat, barely able to say a word. But just the fact that he's there speaks volumes to the landlord/boss person. (I'm oh-so-eloquent today)

Anyway, point is... that's basically all we are before the Lord; mendicants begging for we-don't-even-know-what. Think about that image for a while; it's so beautiful. See someone with kinda ratty clothes, kine dirty... just playing with his hat and sheepish. Obviously there's a big dis-analogy... Jesus is Jesus after all so we're a lot "lower" compared to Him than any man to his boss.

Gosh I'm not getting far today.

Anyway, one of the men in our group talked about how much he loved the image and how it's so beautiful that really all we have to do is show up. He mentioned how the Church asks her children to come to communion at least once a year- at Easter.

"Just show up, once a year, just show up; He'll do the rest" is how he put it. Can't you hear her? "Please," the Church says, "You are mine, you belong to me... come home, I love you." Like any good mother; If once a year is all she gets to see you, she'll be really glad to see you.

My mom would always get huffy about the "twice-a-year-Catholics" who crowded the Church on Christmas and Easter. She was always annoyed by it, every year, and for so long I would have agreed and been annoyed too. Who do they think they are? Show up twice a year, think that's good enough.

Thing is... what's good enough?

This new perspective is so good for me... I hope that the full Churches at Christmas and Easter will always give my heart joy rather than irritation. How great is the mercy of our God, who calls people continuously, constantly asking them to come to Him. At least once a year, a lot of people listen. They do it. And even if they don't get it, He gets them.

There, in His presence, for an hour.

There's a lot God can do in an hour, I think.

One More Day

Tomorrow is my last day of work at the good ol' Conference. Which pretty much means it will be my last day as a somewhat regular blogger.

Thanks for reading! Maybe the other wretches will "take over" more, or maybe this site will just become a memorial of my wonderful two years here. I do not know what the future holds... I hope to teach high school, because I just think all this stuff is too important to have only learned it in grad school. We've gotta get into the lives of young people! I want to be like the cool woman who writes Scrutinies, haha.

I said when I started this blog that it was only because I had a job where I had nothing to do and a computer sitting in front of me. I admit it has been fun... though maybe not so good for the whole pride thing. But as long as I find a job to love, and live around people I love, and continue to write letters and keep up other random interests, I fully expect and hope to be much too busy to keep this up.

For those who I have enjoyed "getting to know" a little bit in this little world... Thanks! You're great. It would be wonderful if Providence would bring us together sometime on our journeys, and if not on earth I'm sure we'll hang out in heaven and laugh about how we used to comment on the other's "blog"- and laugh about the word "blog." I'll remember y'all.

And who knows, maybe I won't find a job. Or it will be boring. Or any number of things. So maybe it's not goodbye. In fact... this summer I'll be unemployed. Perhaps I'll have a lot to say. Anyway. That's enough sentiment for now. I hope to write a few more "real" posts before I go. Love ya! Let's be saints :)

The Longing of the Apostles

O Jesus, how long is the life of man, even though it is said to be short! It is short, my God, for gaining through it a life that cannot end; but it is very long for the soul that desires to come into the presence of its God. What remedy do you provide for this suffering? There isn't any, except when one suffers for you.
O gentle repose of my God's lovers! You don't fail anyone who loves you, since through you the tormen the beloved causes the soul desiring him must both increase and be mitigated. I desire, Lord, to please you; but my happiness I know well doesn't lie with any mortal beings. Since this is true, you will not blame my desire. See me here, Lord; if it's necessary to live in order to render you some service, I don't refuse all the trials that can come to me on earth...May my desires be worthwhile, my God, before your divine presence, and don't look at my lack of merit. May we all merit to love you, Lord. Now that we must live may we live for you, may our desires and self-interests come to an end. What greater thing can be gained than to please you? O my happiness and my God, what shall I do to please you? Miserable are my services, even though I may have rendered many to my God. Why, then, must I remain in this miserable wretchedness? That the will of the Lord may be done. What greater gain, my soul? Wait, wait, for you know niether the day nor the hour. Watch with care, for everything passes quickly, even though your desire make the certain doubtful and the short time long. Behold the more you struggle the more you show the love you have for your God and the more you will rejoice in your beloved with a joy and delight that cannot end.
-St. Teresa of Avila

"We thank you for counting us worthy to stand in your presence and serve you" (Eucharistic Prayer II). I am always in awe of this statement of thanksgiving. He wants us to stand with Him, in His very presence, despite our shortcomings. Not far away in a corner somewhere, but united with Him in love, serving Him. Why? Because He is love and in love He created us to be. As St. Teresa says, "don't look at my lack of merit," Lord, but by your grace alone allow me to respond to you, Love, in and out love, not on my own accord but because you first loved me. It only seems logical to me to desire to serve Him, that is, when the heart is inclined toward He who is. Not out of duty or obligation, but simply because love so greatly envelopes your heart that that is it's only response.

I'm quite sure that the JPII Institute women could comment more profoundly (and I'm sure more coherently) on this, so any further thought would be welcomed. I also wanted to thank all of you who have shared your learnings with me recently on these topics. What a blessing it has been to learn from you and thus have a greater understanding of our most loving God!

Saint Philip and Saint James, pray for us!

Cute dot com

I heart girl friends

I never really had a tomboy stage. There were boys in my neighborhood growing up, and they were cool and all, but they rarely wanted to do the same stuff as us, and when we'd build forts there was usually a girl fort and a boy fort. (The girl fort was always much prettier)

Sistas Wave and Spice were babysitting for 7 kids one night, and they just naturally split up into boys and girls. Spice said that the girls made her stand lookout to make sure none of the boys came near them, and they kept wondering "what if the boys come in, what do we do?"

Meanwhile, Wave was with the boys playing video games. They were completely uninterested in whatever was going on with the girls. It didn't come up; They were playing a game.

Dr. Mango in class yesterday talked about how if two men go fishing; they just fish. Being together is enough, they're doing something together; they're parallel. Two women wouldn't do that. Spice, Grass and I spent like 4 straight hours talking a few nights ago.

Likewise, this afternoon my lunch was spent with two girl friends, dissecting every move that a man made in reference to one of them. We are amazing analysts; We should get paid for this. We were just trying to help our friend come to some peace, reassure her of her worthiness & coolness and remind her that God's will is always the best even when it hurts. What struck me was the fact that I'm 98% certain that said man is not thinking this way at all. He has no idea that we sat in Quiznos talking about him- not in a bad way, I hope, in a "really, he's a good guy, he's not messing with you, we're just over-analyzing" kind of way. And I'm pretty sure he's not sitting in any parallel Quiznos asking his guy buddies for advice about it. He's thinking, "hey, she's cool, we'll see what happens." He's not stressin about it.

Now, if we could just find some happy medium... that'd be fantastic... but I guess that's the fun of it :)

Sadness

The couple who wrote Open Embrace have changed their minds about contraception.

One of their cited books is The Sacrament of Love by Paul Evdokimov, an Orthodox theologian who is a very good and convincing writer. He happens to be wrong, but he makes a very pretty and tempting case for contraception. If you read him, just keep reminding yourself about the Cross. Does he see it as having a place in marriage? If not, how does his theology stay together?

They write:

"our personal experience in the past five years has shown that we had a lot to learn about NFP, and that there is a dark side we weren’t aware of... NFP reaches a point where it is more harmful for a marriage than good."


I just feel for these people. They "discovered" the wrongness of contraception and embraced it with joy... but did not anticipate that beauty and fruitfulness is only found bound up with the Cross. Do you remember Christ's words:


Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it had not much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil; and when the sun rose it was scorched, and since it had no root it withered away. (Mk 4:5-6)

"We now fully believe in the power of the Resurrection and we no longer live our lives constantly on the alert for "selfishness."... One example: wanting to make love to your spouse often is a good thing, but NFP often lays an unfair burden of guilt on men for feeling this."

Can't have Easter without Good Friday. And I know I for one do have to live my life on the alert for selfishness! NFP is certainly not designed to make men feel guilty- in fact, I believe it stresses the goodness of wanting to be with your spouse but suggests that this has to be at the service of love.

"We also see honest congruity with the language of the body by saying "no" to conception with our bodies (via barrier methods or sensual massage) when our minds and hearts are also saying "no" to conception. "

Now that is very interesting!! wow!! Basically, by affirming the language of the body, they argue that since they're not open to life, they shouldn't pretend to be. They're so honest, you see... they jsut don't take it the next step-"if we're not open to life, and this is inherently a life-giving act, maybe we shouldn't be doing it." So they recognize, in a way, that they are not giving themselves fully to the other because they reject the fertility of the other and any possible child that could come from the union. There can be darn good reasons for avoiding a pregnancy; the question is whether that means you can determine what the sexual act means.

The couple advocates "realistic abstinence." Pet peeve of mine, this whole "realistic" argument. As Annie would say, "What are the concrete possibilities of man?!?! What man are we talking about? Man redeemed by Christ??"

As for it being a theological attack on women to require abstinence... interesting choice of language there. Maybe the fact that God created women in this way (that her peak sexual desire corresponds to ovulation) should actually be teaching us about women rather than annoying us. Perhaps it's true that her sexuality is deeply imbedded in and informed by the possibility of giving life. Makes sense to me. Seems like really good motivation to have lots of babies.

Oops, I did it again

Terrible song. Fun phrase.

In somewhat-typical wretched fashion, I got fired up about something and made a broad statement that probably makes it seem like I looked at a complicated moral problem in a very simplistic way.

Well, it's not that that isn't true. but. I can certainly back it up a lot more than I did in my last post, and even though this issue has just recently "come to light" in a more public way, I have actually been thinking about this for the entire year. Interesting, how the Holy Spirit works sometimes. This falls under the category "not to be discussed with the world on the internet" so I'll just say that I have a personal experience that enters my thoughts and feelings on this issue... and even though I was young and certainly have never asked for details, I am sure that selfishness had no place in it, and that the suffering was both acute and redemptive.

Christianity requires us to be heroic. This is where we find out what that really means: in the worst possible circumstances, when it seems impossible for human beings to live what Christ demands. And you know what? They're right. It is impossible for human beings to do this on their own. Thankfully, they don't have to and there is always grace given to live the truth.

Sr. Morning put the question another way: Does death have the last word?

Either Christ's death and Resurrection mean something in this concrete situation here and now, or they don't mean anything. You can't just apply those events to more "simple" sufferings... either they apply to the most horrible of human suffering or they're meaningless in the end. Extreme huh?

Condoms and AIDS

A friend sent me the link to the American Papist because of a conversation we had at lunch.

Apparently (where have I been?) there's new discussion about the condoms/AIDS stuff. A co-worker of mine, when I said, "Well, we know what they're going to say" emphatically said, "No, we don't."

... Yes we do.

Do you think I'm being overly dramatic when I say that if the Church changed its position and said that condom use was ok in the case of a spouse's AIDS infection, I'd start preparing for the end of the world? Maybe a tad. But, to be quite serious, that would be SO FAR from our anthropology that it would have serious implications. I even used the phrase "no way in hell" (if you loved your spouse and had AIDS, would you put them in such danger?) and I haven't said the "h word" in a very long time. I felt it was warranted.

That being said, I'm not actually worried. I think we can know what they'll say.

Welcome to the Kingdom!

Shameless excuse to post pictures of cute babies. The lil one was baptized on Sunday. She was recently adopted by one of my classmates and her husband and she is one happy baby!

Baptisms always get me. Even when I don't know the child and family, but especially when I do and I see that the parents and godparents really know- as much as it's even possible- the responsibility they undertake. While Fr. G was speaking, Julie was gazing at her husband holding the baby... and it spoke volumes. Somehow in that gaze was the cross that they had endured together, and the unspeakable joy of the Resurrection. All celebrated on Divine Mercy Sunday. Julie's announcement called the baby "all gift"- and that is what she is.

We heart Sr. Divino Amore

No one like her in the whole world, that's for sure!!

This picture was taken after her first vows on April 8th, with the 2 other girls from CUA who joined the same order the same year. Dear God, I love my friends :)

Below: The whole CUA crew, at least the ones who were still around. A couple wretches in there!

Unknown Country Song

UPDATE: Song is "He Thinks He'll Keep Her" by Mary Chapin Carpenter. Thanks CD!!!

I was listening to the radio for the first time in a long time- WMZQ country. Until Dawn and I figure out how to find this song, it will just remain unknown, unless one of my 2 readers knows it...

Basically, in the song, a woman has three children by the time she's 29 (this is, naturally, supposedly apalling) and one day packs her suitcase and says to her husband "I don't love you anymore" and then it goes on to talk about her work. Now, I did not hear the whole song. It's entirely possible that in the end, this woman comes to her senses and realizes that she was totally and utterly selfish.

Doubtful.

Besides that first thing, which is just ridiculous (the fantastic Danielle Bean, at 33, is working on number 8... cue applause!) [b.n.: Please note that I am not saying that everyone is supposed to do the same. At all. And I'm not saying that 3 kids is nothing and couldn't possibly be overwhelming. In fact, I'm sure it is! I'm just saying we shouldn't be horrified by this.]

What is up with this justification of women leaving their children to find themselves thing? It's on Oprah, it's in books and now it's even infiltrated country music. If you can't "find yourself" in the midst of your children, I've got bad news for ya: You ain't gonna find yourself anywhere else.

Look at me, breaking out "ain't"- it's all about absorbing whatever topic I'm in at the time. I should do a British post next.

Lucky for you, wretches, I wrote a paper last semester that addresses this a lil bit, and I'll post my intro here. This is about to become a monster post. Feel free to stop reading at any time :)

When Nora abandoned her husband and children in Henrik Ibsen’s A Doll’s House in 1879, she was a symbol of disconnected motherhood. The shift that made this possible began centuries earlier, and now, 126 years later, there are countless women going on Oprah declaring their need to “find themselves” apart from their families. It is not that there had never been delinquent mothers before the Enlightenment, but Ibsen saw and remarked that “A woman cannot be herself in the society of today, which is exclusively a masculine society, with laws written by men, and with accusers and judges who judge feminine conduct from the masculine standpoint.”[1] He could see the peculiarity of the modern situation and the lengths that some women may go to escape it. In seeking out a valuable place in society, women failed to challenge the system that determines what is valuable. Women instead accepted the definitions and sought to change themselves accordingly.
The ancient concept of the constitutive individual, as well as the Jewish understanding of corporate personality, would have made an exit such as Nora’s unthinkable.[2] The constitutive individual is the primary unit of understanding for Classical philosophy. For Aristotle or Aquinas, the original units of reality are already complex, with four causes which define them. Man is not atomistic or unconnected to the world around him. The human person is a body-soul unity, structured with an end and purpose for which he is to act. He is but one in a world full of other beings who are likewise complex. He is unique among them but not independent or self-sufficient. There is a fundamental unity among beings. This places the human being securely in a web of relationships, without which he is not himself.
Modernity firmly rejected this complex view of the human person. The fruits of this rejection, such as the embracing of freedom of indifference and radical individuality, have devastating effects on women’s experience of motherhood. Nora is one example of this, but on a grander scale, abortion, contraception and in vitro fertilization show that the meaning of motherhood is changed. Freedom now means an original and independent act of choice rather than a response to a value. Underneath each of these things is the view that the human being should be able to decide when, if and how to have children. A woman in this framework has no true answer to give for her motherhood. She will either see it as something that “happened to” her, which she has the option to change, or something she reasonably chose for herself. This self is the determining factor.
Following the logic of self as primary value, a woman must be in control. Tina Miller documents some reactions to pregnancy in her narrative approach, Making Sense of Motherhood. One woman remarks, “I feel that from being the person in charge work-wise, to the person that is being taken over by something else, or someone else, is quite a lot to take in.”[3] During pregnancy, women are profoundly out of control of what is happening to their bodies. This experience is difficult to make sense out of if your conception of yourself in bound up with anything besides love. A woman will experience intense physical changes as well as changed attitudes toward her from other people. One woman says, “I think you have to fight more to keep your individuality.”[4] And another, “There’s something else going on that you haven’t got any control over, that you are not the person you were anymore, and you know from now on you’re going to be a mother.”[5] The struggles these women express in understanding their lives as mothers reveal two values they hold as dominant: freedom (in the sense of control) and individuality. These two issues are discovered at the center where modernity meets motherhood.
These two prominent features of modernity run contrary to the two definitive words of the Blessed Mother; her fiat and magnificat.[6] With “Let it be done to me according to your word,” Mary shows that her freedom is found in the will of another. In consenting to God’s will, which asks everything, Mary conceives the Son of God. She gives up any semblance of control, calling herself the handmaid of the Lord. When she is told what will take place, her consent is presumed, for she has always said “yes”.[7] In Mary, freedom is at the service of love.
In her magnificat, Mary counters the concept of the person as an atomistic individual. She rejoices in the Lord, and declares that her soul magnifies Him, thus defining herself in relation to another. While she proclaims what God has done for her, she immediately connects it to both the future and the past. “For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed” speaks of all the people to follow, and she ends in connecting God’s action in her to His promise with Abraham. Mary is deeply connected to Israel and the covenant. She is “Daughter Zion,” the new Israel. She recognizes that the preparation for the Incarnation began long before her, and that its implications would reach until the end of time. She is profoundly connected to every other person, which is confirmed in her title as mother of all Christians. In these two instances, Mary offers the true meaning of freedom and the person.

[1] Ibsen, Henrik. “Notes for the Tradegy of Today,” a letter cited by William Archer in his introduction to the play found at http://academics.triton.edu/uc/files/dollshse.html.
[2] The concept of corporate personality falls outside of the scope of this paper, but it is key to understanding ancient Israel. It is explored in H.W. Robinson’s Corporate Personality in Ancient Israel, among other places. The understanding of the person as both an individual and carrying the entire group within him is, for example, the reason that the covenant made with Abraham is also with the entire people.
[3] Tina Miller. Making Sense of Motherhood. p 82.
[4] Ibid., p 81.
[5] Ibid., p 81.
[6] Lk 1:38 and Lk 1:46-56 respectively.
[7] This was pointed out in Von Balthasar’s Creative Spirit. p. 226.

Transparency

It's part of what we love about children, even when it simultaneously drives us crazy. And it's so beautiful in adults... This girl's mom is one of the most transparent people I've ever met. Sr. Wave and I talk about that a lot- L is always honest and never conceals her struggles, but not at all in a complaining way. In a "You asked, so I'll tell you the truth" kind of way.

I'm transparent in the "I can't hide a darn thing I think/feel because I have no control" kind of way. I hope one day to have the beautiful transparency of Mrs. LD! (If her hubby is reading this, tell her we LOVE her!)

T-Shirt Ideas

Poor Naj... one of her program team members is severely lacking in T-Shirt creativity. (And a lot of other things :)

The theme for this year's Diocesan WorkCamp is "Seek Him. Find Him. Serve Him." If you have any brilliant ideas let me know!

Root beer

I'm compatible with dear Erin- who, by the way, is totally a wretch. Unfortunately, the name Forest is already taken....

You Are Root Beer

Ultra sweet and innocent, you have a subtle complexity behind your sugary front. Children love you, but so do high end snobs... when you're brewed right. Your best soda compatibility match: Dr. Pepper Stay away from: Diet Coke

What Kind of Soda Are You?

Water in Lourdes

My precious friend Sr. Water... know that we wretches are praying for your pilgrimage to Lourdes, that the Lord may bless you with healing, deep interior knowledge of His love for you, and knowledge of your unique place in history. May this time give you clarity about His plan for you next year and the future... and send some of that my way ;)

DC Triduum

I wanted to give a little run-down of the beautiful DC Triduum...


Holy Thursday Mass of the Lord's Supper at the Dominican House of Studies (pictured above). I have not been in DHS at all this year for a number of reasons, and it was good to be there. I have many memories from that chapel as an undergrad, and the added bonus of a couple good friends from home being in the reserved seats right beside me was fantastic and unexpected. I was able to receive the beautiful sacrament of Reconciliation, complete with a really great penance that wasn't a penance at all but very good for my heart.

On Good Friday, I participated in the Way of the Cross downtown with Communion and Liberation. The one in NY is supposed to be amazing; Ours was very powerful as well but much smaller. We started at St. Peter's on Capitol Hill, where we listened to some Palestrina and sang and read the Gospel and heard Card. McCarrick speak a bit. Then we started walking in silence. A man held a large cross before us as we walked down the streets of DC, escorted by the police, and stopped in front of the Capitol building. There we did more of the same. Two more stops on the National Mall and the final stop right next to the Washington Monument. Yes, tourists, it is Good Friday! It was just incredible. A visible and audible witness to the Lord's Passion; It's not every day you are walking around downtown and hear the Gospel read into a microphone and see lots of really cute children being quiet and somewhat obedient :)

Then a bit of rehearsing and the service at my parish in Alexandria. The incomparable Fr. S spoke on Christ's "I thirst" and for the rest of the day, the Jennifer Knapp song "When Nothing Satisfies You" was in my head.

Holy Saturday is just such a strange day, huh? You're just waiting... Silence. So I did what most of us did.... slept in. Went downtown and did some reading for Law- nothing like reading an abortion case on Holy Saturday. Went to Marymount University to rehearse for the Vigil.

Singing the Exsultet at the Easter Vigil is one of the most amazing experiences in the world. (Thank God for the shortage of deacons! JUST KIDDING...) But seriously. I loved that we were in the back of the chapel- Darkness, candlelight, and no one looking at us :) Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels!

I have to admit, I missed Catholic U's Vigil. Especially when the priest baptized the young man and barely got him wet, I thought of the way kids always knelt in the disguised baby pool and Fr. Bob would drench them with the water [of salvation]. It was still awesome, don't get me wrong! I went up to the kid after and asked if I could hug him. A new creation!!! A-mazing. I also appreciate now how prepared we always were for the service- lectors, musicians, everyone knew what they were doing at every moment, took their time, and just rested in the liturgy. So special.

Easter Sunday is family time! Cooking, relaxing, playing piano and having guests. My mom is so cute, she made each of our guests a personal Easter basket. We had 3 people over, none of whom knew each other, and 2 of whom I hadn't even met before. I don't know if they really got the concept of "dinner" at my house... because dinner for us doesn't mean to come over and eat and leave... it means come over, make yourself comfortable, eat a lot, walk it off around the neighborhood, play games... etc. Only Sr. Rain stayed for it all :) Then 2 of my roommates (and others) and I went to a friend's house for dessert and to visit with his mom who was here for the weekend. Presh. I love meeting people's families! One of the strangest things about "adult" life is not having that background; it's kind of cool how in high school, your friends' parents are a part of your life too. I remember telling my friend Jon that I would miss his family as much as I'd miss him and when Shannon's dad died this year it really affected us all because we knew him as such a big part of her. In college and beyond, you're lucky if you meet your friends' families at all... I'm glad that I have been lucky :)

And to finish it all off, since I forgot my Christian prayer book and journal at home, I went to get it and got a haircut. Yay Easter! How's that for deep? New life... new haircut???

Use this Pro-Life Search Engine!!

FYI:
Use www.prolifesearch.com for all your internet searching, and revenue is automatically donated to pro-life charities! It's powered by Google, so you get the same results pages as if you used Google itself - so bookmark this search page or make it your homepage for easy access! It also uses a SafeSearch filter, so no worries there. Two "good Catholic boys" created & maintain the site - what superb idea!

Easter Joy to you!

ALLELUIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regina coeli, laetare, alleluia:
Quia quem meruisti portare, alleluia.
Resurrexit sicut dixit, alleluia.
Ora pro nobis Deum, alleluia.

V. Gaude et laetare, Virgo Maria, Alleluia,
R. Quia surrexit Dominus vere, alleluia.

Oremus: Deus qui per resurrectionem Filii tui, Domini nostri Iesu Christi, mundum laetificare dignatus es: praesta, quaesumus, ut per eius Genetricem Virginem Mariam, perpetuae capiamus gaudia vitae. Per eundem Christum Dominum nostrum.
Amen!

Knockin' at the Tabernacle

Here we go, it's the most intense few days of the year...

At mass on Wednesday, Fr. Granados related a story about St. Philip Neri. He went up to the Tabernacle, knocked on it and said,

"Don't trust me! There's a traitor in me."

The idea that there is a little bit of Judas in us all is not novel. We all sin, so yes. But it's more than that. You know what it's like when someone says something you didn't realize other people felt? Fr. Jose said that it was Christ's very love, His mercy, His holiness that Judas could not stand. He rejected it completely. The way Christ loved him probably just ate at him and he thought "Just wait, see what I do to you". Do you know that feeling? I certainly do, and I hate it. The better the person treats you, the more it bothers you, the more you want to run away. Case in point: Sometimes, the more patient and loving my parents are, the more wretched I become with them. I also do this to my roommates sometimes. It's this willful incapacity to receive love. It's just evil; the privation of the acceptance of the gift... Lord have mercy on me!

So how do you get away from that? I wish I had the answer, especially because it's obviously one of the most important things for us all to learn- not to be Judas. It's something to pray about especially today before we celebrate the Lord's Supper, and remember how "Satan entered him." We want to rationalize evil, make it understandable. Like this whole gnostic "Gospel of Judas" thing, we want to think that Judas was not really that bad, that Jesus asked him to betray him. That's much nicer to believe, isn't it? Very comfortable and convenient, to think that it was all a plan. But it wasn't. Woe to him by whom the Son of Man is betrayed...

Lord, is it I?

Oh, Alton...

One of our friends pointed out this fact and I thought I should share it with the world.

Tomorrow morning and afternoon, we will come to this fantastic numerical phenomenon:

It will be 01:02:03 04/05/06

Ponder that.

Secret Identity

Not to reveal myself at all, but one of my pictures has made it into Dappled Things.

Faith Like a Child

I was sitting in my usual spot in the chapel of Our Lady of Sorrows after Mass this past Sunday at the Basilica and God revealed Himself in the most humble (and adorable) way! Many pilgrims were coming in to pray with our Lady in front of the statue of the Pieta, but one incidence stands out the most to me. A little Korean girl no more than 3 years old had been particularly “energetic” during Mass and continued exploring this vast new territory of our Lady after it concluded. I heard the pitter-patter of her feet coming near the chapel and then right into it next to me. She literally came to a dead halt right in front of the statue and stood mesmerized by Mary holding the limp body of our Crucified Lord. Her mom could be heard from down the way calling out her name and finally she entered this chapel, saw her daughter and beckoned her to return to her side. But the little girl stood planted there as if time and space ceased to exist and it was just her, our Lady and Jesus. Her mom tugged and pulled her jacket for her to follow but she wouldn’t budge. Finally getting impatient, mom picked up the girl and the little one began to cry as she was being taken away. Not one minute later the sound of tiny feet were heading back to the statue and the little girl stood there once again, enthralled by the mysteries contained within this sight. She then looked at me and then back at Jesus, pointed and said “LOVE!” My heart melted and I prayed for her child-like faith to permeate my heart so that I too could see what she saw with those big, pure eyes. I wish her mom had seen what I had seen and then I don’t think she would have pulled this precious child away from her Savior again, but the three year old was content after this final visit to leave.

Precious.

Baby time

Phew! Now that I've been opinionated enough for one day, I thought I should post something more my style. I'm not really an academic, I just play one on weekdays.

The other day, I went to a friend's house to cook dinner and visit with her and her 2 daughters, one of whom was just born 3 weeks ago. I just wanted to stay forever because it was such a joy. At the end of the night, before putting the 2 yr old to bed, the 3 of them knelt down before the crucifix and prayed. As I sat in the armchair holding the sleepy baby, and thought, "This is heaven." Teresa of Avila says the road to heaven is heaven. Sure enough.

Altar Servers

There have been two articles from the Times and Post discussing the most recent change in policy of the Diocese of Arlington: Allowing girls to be altar servers. I'm going to skip the Latin mass half of the announcement, since I think it's such a funny pairing and probably only done to "placate" people like me.

When Bishop Keating announced that the diocese would maintain its policy of all-male altar servers, I was in elementary or middle school. I remember how ridiculous my mom thought this decision was, and she encouraged me to agree with her. So I did. Ha! It makes no sense! Big deal, if most priests were altar servers! Most priests probably ate ice cream too! So silly!

But did I feel oppressed, honestly? No, because I had never desired to be an altar server. It hadn't even occurred to me. In itself, that is a significant fact because of the fact that the altar boys got out of class to serve morning mass. Even with such a powerful incentive, I did not want to be one. It just seemed to make sense. Priest, male, altar server, male. Okey dokey.

Bishop Loverde kept this policy until now. The number of men entering the seminary has been going down and down... is this going to help, really? Why the change now? What has changed?

Of course, the Church allows girls to serve in this matter. There is nothing instrinsically important about the gender of the servers. That being said, being an altar server is a great way for a boy to be introduced to what the priesthood is like. He can get to know all sorts of things, but most especially get to know the priest as a father-figure. He can learn that a priest is a real man, a real father. He can get to know other boys who share his faith and interest in the Church. A good priest can foster in his servers a deep reverence for the Sacrifice of the Mass and encourage them in their journeys- sometimes but not necessarily to the priesthood, certainly to geniune masculinity and participation in the Church. Of course, I'm speaking of a world in which priests know and live their spiritual fatherhood. Gosh, maybe I should teach at a seminary.

Perhaps this is really just a move acknowledging that not enough boys are becoming servers and for strictly practical purposes it would help if there were double the number. Ok fine. Even if that is the case, the question seems to be, "Why aren't they joining?" rather than, "Who else can we get?" We are all aware that people are more cautious about their sons being altar boys these days, perhaps for good reason. We need to rebuild trust in the priesthood, and the best-the only- way to do that is through holiness of life. Ours and theirs.

Now, as for these specific articles. Ooooooh they make me mad. I guess in the interest of charity, I should give the authors the benefit of the doubt. They obviously don't read encyclicals in their spare time, and they probably don't even have close friends who do. To the liberal (in the wide sense of American), it is perfectly ridiculous for a community of faith to exclude half of their population from a certain role. The half that appears to be more active in the first place! If the priesthood is about authority and power, then we have a big problem- I'm being disenfranchised!! Thankfully, it is not. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The priest is there to serve me! HA! They have to spend their life, give it up for my sake! Sacrifice for me, pray for me, come when I'm sick in body or soul, get accustomed to solitude. As Balthasar puts it, something like "Both the priest and the laity are responsible for the salvation of the Church and the sanctification of the world, differently." There are just some amazing misconceptions in here, full of subtle wording that gets my back up. So let me be defensive and catty for a minute (I'm a wretch after all) In the Post:

• People are called "critics of the ban" and "supporters of the ban." I'm sorry, what ban are you talking about? Altar servers had always been male. Serving is a privilege, not a right. The bishop's decision to keep that the case cannot, in any possible way, be considered a ban!
• This quote is great: "I understand there are some laity against it, but they are as rare as hen's teeth because most people who have children see the innate fairness of having ministries open to everyone who qualifies," Grinnell said. Um, no, they're actually not that rare at all. Here's one! And qualifies? Does anyone qualify to stand next to the Lord's altar? Fairness? What's so fair about God Himself dying for me and taking upon Himself the guilt of my sin? I don't really want fairness, frankly, I need mercy.
• And finally, the gem that sums up the biggest danger, the teenage girl who says: "I don't think this is as much as we should get," she said, "but it's a lot better." To the uneducated laity, this is simply a step toward the female priesthood. We need education, people! Have you not read? Have you not heard? The Church has no authority to ordain women to the ministerial priesthood. Can't do it. Nope. Impossible. Check out Ordinatio Sacerdotalis for questions.

In the Times:

• "Hallelujah," said Rea Howarth of Front Royal, Va., who is active in Catholics Speak Out, a group that encourages reform of the Catholic Church. "Long we have waited." It goes on to say that her daughter wasn't confirmed because she couldn't serve. I'm sorry but I was a kid at that time too, and guess what, it probably had a lot more to do with her mother's opinion of the Church than her own. Catholics Speak Out? How about Catholics for Holiness? Catholics for Living Their Baptismal Vows? Catholics Speak Out about Injustice and Abortion and War and Poverty? We speak out about a lot of things, thank you.
• The decision to allow altar girls is ultimately up to parish priests, who must write a letter to the bishop seeking the change. Praise God :)
• The bishop also said he hoped that allowing altar girls would deepen their appreciation of Mass and encourage some girls to become nuns. Unfortunately, buying into the clericalization of the laity will have precisely the opposite effect on girls. It tells the girls, "If you really want to be involved in the Church, you should be on the altar rather than in the pews" and since sisters and nuns are laity, and live their vocations as laity, this will be the opposite of helpful. When a woman becomes a sister, it is because she identifies herself with the Church- not with Christ, in the strict sense. A sister recognizes the incredible gift that God is giving her by asking her to be one with Him. She primarily receives love as a woman; She experiences Christ as the one who loves her and calls her to intimacy with Him. There really isn't a parallel between that and being an altar server, unlike the link between serving and the priesthood.
  

Both of the articles betray the concept of the Church as a hierarchical power structure, in which the laity has to somehow "get involved." Even the bishop's own words about the change make me nervous: the change is to help Catholics "participate more reverently, more actively, more fully" in Mass. Ok, perhaps some girls will be more active now. Ok. On a practical level, I guarantee some poor boys will be a lot LESS engaged in the mass if they are serving next to a girl. Aren't teenage hormones hard enough to deal with? That's just an aside though. The primary and fundamental issue here is:

What is the role of the laity in the Church?

Is the most important thing about the Church what it does or who She is? Until we recover the Marian dimension of the Church, which comes before the Petrine, we will face this dilemma over and over. Check out CCC #773: Mary goes before us all in the holiness that is the Church's mystery as "the bride without spot or wrinkle." This is why the "Marian" dimension of the Church precedes the "Petrine." Mary's Fiat makes Peter's office possible. Mary is under Peter, in terms of the "hierarchy" but Peter is within Mary. The laity has a specific and important role to play. It is not simply the riffraff of "people who aren't clergy." The laity have a special mission to fulfill in the Church and the world, primarily as a people made holy, a people who receive God's love and are transfigured by His Spirit. I participate fully and completely in the Mass by standing with Mary under the Cross and accepting what Christ is doing for me, and offering myself to the Father with Him. I do not have to do the reading, or lead the singing, or do the serving to be fully active in the Mass. In fact, often when I do those things it actually distracts me from doing what I am really supposed to be doing: focusing on God, entering into the Mystery, praying. That's my role, and it's more than enough for me to handle.

Sigh.

St. Joseph!

I'm SUCH a wretch. I didn't even post on your feast day! But you know, we love you. But it's more of a need-love... we neeeeeed you!

Novenas never end up the way you see it in your head. I guess that's part of the point- they force you to conform your will more and more to the Lord's by purifying your desires. What do you really want? Do you trust Him?

I know a lot of people get visible and real signs at the end of novenas. St. Therese is of course the most famous, and many of my friends have amazing stories about receiving a rose from Therese. That has never happened for me. Each time I think maybe it's because of my lack of zeal, or trust, or something else that I've "done wrong". This time I just asked for some sign, anything really, to let me know that St. Joseph heard me. And he did hear me... I know he did, but, as for a sign... not so much. I'm supposed to have faith and I am weak. But I do believe, Lord, help my unbelief.

As I began the novena, I thought perhaps I knew a man who might be my St. Joseph. By the end, he helped me to see that it is not so, but that person is a kind of promise. He also drew my thoughts to a friend from the past to pray for him, especially that his very real gift of thoughtfulness, lacking in some very good men, may find fulfilment and truth in Christ. He also opened my eyes to the real gift of the Holy Spirit who will always direct my heart if I let Him and stay attentive to His presence.

Not what I asked for, but what I needed. Thank you, Joseph.

COMPS are OVER!

Praise the Lord!! Thank you all for your prayers and support; Our class felt surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and held up by the Holy Spirit the whole day. What a beautiful experience and way to come to a fulfillment of all we've done these last 2 years.

When we had finished, the dean, Dr. Schindler, came in to find out when he could have us all over to his house just to spend time together. This is such a special graduate school! Who does that? :)

Prayers still for the wretches who have undergrad comps next week! May He bless you even more abundantly in yours as in ours. Come Holy Spirit!

Congratulations Misako and Andrew!

On your engagement!!

The Holy Spirit will grant you something of His own mode of being a communion of persons... WOOHOO! Meditate on that! I'm sooo happy for you two, you are a great couple and I look forward to being there :) May God bless your engagement with peace, joy, and more JOY!

Wretchedness at it's best

As I was laying in bed last night, mentally going through my day and all of it's moments of grace, those embraced and those that I miserably failed at, I had this feeling that I forgot something. I started doing an examine of anything and everything I could think of. Work, nope. Family stuff, nope. House duties, nope. School, definitely not because I've already graduated! And then I remembered....I forgot to start the Novena to St. Joseph on Sunday! I just crumbled and thought, "How truly wretched am I that I forgot the Wretches patron saint's novena!?!?!" Then I had a thought of small consolation, I'm definitely in the right group as we are aptly named wretched. So yours truly both fulfilled the main requirement of being wretched and failed at the only thing we have to do, say a novena to St. Joseph. I pray in thanksgiving for all the Wretches that started praying on Sunday and for a fire to be lit under all the other Wretches, who like me, were delinquent in our only commitment to this beautiful community.

St. Joseph, Guardian of the Word Incarnate, pray for me your wretched daughter.

Sacramental Logic

One of our questions uses those words and asks us to talk about it in relation to marriage. We were all puzzling over it in our study session, and today- yes, 2 days before comps- the professor just gave "the answer".

In the Incarnation, Christ took up our humanity. He then bore that humanity to the Cross, and rose again by the promise of the Father. While human, He spoke- He was- the definitive Word of the Father. In His presence at the Wedding at Cana, Christ elevated marriage to the state of a sacrament of the New Covenant. It was already a primordial sacrament in the sense that it imaged God's love for His people. It was already a powerful symbol; but now Christ brings it to be sacramental in a new way. The meaning of marriage is disclosed in Christ. Just as He shows us what the human being is, Christ's relationship with the Church shows what marriage is.

Marriage is a created reality. It was instituted by God and it is part of His divine plan of salvation. Speaking of marriage as a "purely natural institution"- of society, of whatever- is not real. It does not see what it is. The union of man and woman is related to what God wants His relationship to the human being to be.

The Fathers of the Church looked at marriage as a state of life, in comparison with virginity. They saw it as a way to follow Christ- though perhaps not always in the fulness of the way we understand that today.

When the world was Catholic, the Church took that time to define what is specific to the seven sacraments. Think the classic definition here of "visible sign instituted by Christ to give grace."

As the Protestants began to challenge, well, everything, the Church's understanding of marriage tended to veer away from the state of life to the contract. Luther and Calvin say that marriage is only a contract and part of the natural world. The Church says, no no, the contract is the sacrament (especially evident through Leo XIII in Arcanum, 1880). The Church kind of adapted to the framework in which the questions were being asked: the utter depravity of nature, human nature being irredeemably sinful and only covered over by grace (i.e. dung hill covered by snow). One of the things lost in Protestantism- perhaps the thing lost- is the sacramentality of the world and creation.

So we're trying to recuperate this understanding. You can see this movement in the documents of Vatican II and of course our beloved Pope (St.) John Paul II. The Church approaches the sacraments in light of Christology, ecclesiology, and anthropology. Christiam spouses "signify and partake of the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and His Church"(Lumen Gentium 11).

Read Gaudium et Spes 48:

Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by Christ's redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church, so that this love may lead the spouses to God with powerful effect and may aid and strengthen them in sublime office of being a father or a mother.(6) For this reason Christian spouses have a special sacrament by which they are fortified and receive a kind of consecration in the duties and dignity of their state.(7) By virtue of this sacrament, as spouses fulfil their conjugal and family obligation, they are penetrated with the spirit of Christ, which suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope and charity. Thus they increasingly advance the perfection of their own personalities, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God.

The sacraments are the introduction of human life into divine life. Man is introduced into the Body of Christ at Baptism. His participation into the sacrament that Christ is (of the Father) is physical (head and body), nuptial (Eph. 5, Church as bride) and universal. Sacraments have to do with your relationship with Christ, which in turn is the relationship with a God who is Triune. Your whole life is called to be introduced into divine life, eternal life, which is the life of a God who is a Being-with. Being a person is to be-for God, others. The spousal gift of self must be seen in this light and in this understanding of what it means to be a person. Human love must enter into the logic of the gift.

The unity of the two in marriage is secured by the Holy Spirit. Cardinal Ouellet of Quebec wrote a beautiful article in which he wrote, "The Holy Spirit grants to the spouses a participation in His mode of being a communion of persons." Something like that. WHOA people. That's a huge deal! Because the Holy Spirit is Love, charity itself. He is what the Father and the Son are together, He is their communion, their bond of love. He is called distinctly what they are in common. The life of God is given to us in the Holy Spirit.

Marriage is also a historical reality. It is an event within history- this man and this woman join their lives together until death. It requires freedom and man's participation. Sacraments aren't like vending machines- the God who created you without you will not save you without you. (Augustine) The grace to participate in Christ's life is the same for all couples; but holiness makes a difference. The capacity of the container determines how much one can be filled!

Finally, marriage always has an ecclesiological character; it is always in and through the Church that grace passes. In this we recall the Marian dimension of the Church as Bride and Mother. Also the communion that the Church is; the unity of its members. The Church recommends that marriage be celebrated in the context of the Eucharist because it is integral to the nature of love itself. "This is my body, given for you." We are called to see how deep marriage gets into the structure of reality; a reality created by a God who is Love.

I think that's all the studying I'm doing for that question!

B-Team!!!

Wretches, we have been vouchsafed the greatest honor... we are now officially Amateur Catholics. See the side bar and website :)

St. Ephrem the Syrian (and Wretch?)

"Although I am most sinful and unworthy, I ceaslessly knock at your door. Although I am apathetic and slothful and take no care about my salvation, I wish to follow your path. Save me for the sake of your mercy, for in every way you are good, O Lord, and your compassion is in all your works."

Thanks to Sr. Spice, for this! (She's so wretched she has her own blog)

My Professor wrote this book

Spirit's Gift:The Metaphysical Insight of Claude Bruaire

Fr. Antonio Lopez is the professor I have mentioned on this blog more than any other because of his amazing classes on Christology, the Trinity, and the Sacramentality of Marriage. He's in the Fraternity of St. Charles Borromeo, which is connected to Communion and Liberation (also a subject of this blog). And, I think if I am not mistaken, a friend of mine helped design this cover. It's not out yet- and I'm sure it will go over my head- but wow!

Set!

I got a (real) Set game in high school and loved it, and forgot about it until Happy Catholic reminded me! Check it out:
Set

Worthy of a Conversation

This is the new catch phrase around, started by Wave but very contagious. Use it whenever there is something that seems a bit off or reveals something deeper or may be true but only in a qualified sense.

For example, the terrible song that goes, "My faith in Youuuu, is only a shadow of Your faith in meeeee."

Now that's worthy of a conversation.

It's Bishop's Lenten Appeal time. We know, we get it, the diocese needs funds to function. They get the funds from us, at this time. Ok. Got it.

On Sunday, our angelic pastor sat down and played, per his request, the bishop's message as the homily. This was done at every parish in the diocese. So we sat there listening to a recording of our bishop asking for our support. Our shepherd in the faith. Our father. Sent a recording.

Um. THAT is worthy of a conversation.

Structures of Sin

On Sunday, I got a flat tire. In the midst of all the ensuing drama, I was convicted that we really are living in a web of structures of sin. We have set up our society to embody a disorder.

For example. You go into BJ's to the back where the tires are. To get there, you pass a million things you don't need at all but are made to look so attractive. You reach the counter, and instead of a person, you encounter a screen that says "Touch to begin." So you touch the screen. You pick your car, model, make, year. The little computer tells you what tires to get. Now you get to go find them yourself in the maze. Once you have found them, you must take them up to the front, buy them, and wheel them outside and around to the place where they actually do the tire work. Yourself. The tire man asks you to fill out the paperwork about the tire you have just bought. After an hour or so, you drive it up to the door. You drive it in, you drive it out. At the grocery store, you can use screens and scanners to do the check-out on your own.

Hello, radical autonomy.

Not to mention the unnaturalness of a car and roads themselves. Think of the difference, Dr. Schindler encourages us, between a road and a path. And these are just the little day-to-day encounters with society. They are little structures, part of bigger structures discussed by John Paul II below:

"The third meaning of social sin refers to the relationships between the various human communities. These relationships are not always in accordance with the plan of God, who intends that there be justice in the world and freedom and peace between individuals, groups and peoples. Thus the class struggle, whoever the person who leads it or on occasion seeks to give it a theoretical justification, is a social evil. Likewise obstinate confrontation between blocs of nations, between one nation and another, between different groups within the same nation all this too is a social evil. In both cases one may ask whether moral responsibility for these evils, and therefore sin, can be attributed to any person in particular. Now it has to be admitted that realities and situations such as those described, when they become generalized and reach vast proportions as social phenomena, almost always become anonymous, just as their causes are complex and not always identifiable. Hence if one speaks of social sin here, the expression obviously has an analogical meaning. However, to speak even analogically of social sins must not cause us to underestimate the responsibility of the individuals involved. It is meant to be an appeal to the consciences of all, so that each may shoulder his or her responsibility seriously and courageously in order to change those disastrous conditions and intolerable situations."

~JPII, Reconciliatio et Paenitentia

This reminds me also of the movie "Super Size Me." A good movie, in my opinion. It was not Catholic and I do not think he would have named the fast food industry a structure of sin, but what he did was expose it as such, unwittingly. Individual responsibility is not mitigated completely- perhaps he wasn't so clear on this- but the culture is certainly set up in such a way that fast food is not seen for what it is. Its common existence and acceptance point to a loss of the understanding of food as not only for the body but for the whole person, eating as a social activity, and, further, its relation to the Eucharist.

Walk for Life

Check out the experience at the San Francisco Walk for life.
Wow.
You know you're doing the will of the Crucified One when you're treated like Him. God bless them.

(Part III is a bit odd)

With God in Russia

by Fr. Walter Ciszek, SJ
Imprisoned in Russia for 23 years as a Vatican spy
These are some thoughts on discernment (whether as a priest he should leave his post and head into Russia) I shared these quotes a while back with the wretches, but I think we were only about 20 strong back then. So here you are:

"The moment Makar spoke of going to Russia my heart leapt. I was so excited, so seized by a deep interior joy, that I had to restrain my emotions in order not to seem foolish... It was as if my whole life, in God's plan, had pointed to this moment... It was not that easy,though. The next morning brought with it a flood of second thoughts.

Wasn't I interpreting the present situation as a 'sign' of God's providence only because I wanted it to be that way?
Wasn't I merely following my own desires and simply calling them God's will for me?

Anyone who has ever wrestled with his conscience over a particular course of action has experienced what I went through then. Any young man or woman who has felt called to a vocation and then hesitated, wondering if the call is genuine, knows the agonies of such second thoughts and how powerful the counter arguments can be."

[So, he decides not to go to Russia, and to stay where he was placed because "that much of His will was certain" but then: ]

"Yet hardly had I made that decision, in all sincerity and with firm conviction, than I was again distraught. I felt no peace, no joy, noease of heart at having finally resolved my problem. Prayer became difficult, almost impossible. I felt my faith was weakened... I was distracted by the feeling I had broken a pattern that had dominated my whole life up till now. For this decision was a break with the way I had always experienced and interpreted the workings of divine providence in my life, had always striven to see God's will in everything and follow it. Most important, however, was the loss of that deep interior sense of peace, that sense of joy and enthusiasm, that strong spirit of faith in God's involvement in my life which, up to now, had been such an integral part of all my spirituality."

[So he prayed to be totally open to God's will,]

"And immediately there came flooding back that sense of peace, that feeling of joy, that confidence in the simple and direct faith expressed in trusting in him alone... God's will can be discerned by the fruits of the spirit itbrings, that peace of soul and joy of heart are two such signs, provided they follow upon total commitment and openness to God aloneand are not founded on the self's desires."
- He Leadeth Me (the other book about his struggles)

Come Holy Ghost!

My children were confirmed last night!!

Children? Yes, I have many children. They say that when you're a mother, it's like your heart is walking around outside your body. I totally and utterly believe it, because when you're a teacher, it's like there are 20 pieces of your heart walking around on their own.

9 of them received the gifts of the Holy Spirit last night and became full members of the Church. Aaaaaaaaa-men! I am so proud of them.

The Gospel they read was Mark 4:1-20, the parable of the sower and the seeds. Listening to it once again in this context was striking. My kids have received the good seed; whether it will bear its fruit is not yet certain. Some of their souls may as yet be rocky, and they will certainly face the thorns of the world in the years to come. The Bishop spoke about the courage they need to face it all. They had 3 other strong priests before them as examples of this courage. "It can be done, with His help" is what we all want them to know. At least they know that we love them.

Walking over to the church from the staging area, I couldn't help but laugh a lot. God chooses to use the human to communicate the divine. "Why on earth would You want it this way?" I thought. God wants to speak to us in these little things that have reality within them; they point us to Him. The young men and women were in red robes, and walking in two lines, talking, joking, pushing one another, nervous and excited. They were about to enter into the sanctuary in which the Holy Spirit would enter their hearts in a new way and bring them all the gifts they would need for the challenges ahead. Could they possibly understand that? No. Could I? No way. The walk over was so human. So teenager. And yet the salvation of the whole world is played out in each of them. It is played out in you and me. Part of it may be our incapacity to "get it". If I could have seen the change in their souls, I probably would have disappeared (as Spice would say)

Parish life is where the rubber hits the road. It's where all my theological studying comes into contact with actual lived experience. I can't even say how grateful I am to have been adopted into this holy parish family. Our pastor is a saint; thus his people are being made holy. And it's hard. Giussani talks about this in Why the Church? The Church is the scandal of the Incarnation all over again. God communicating His life through these people? How can this be? I know that guy, he's not holy... and that woman, man, she drives me crazy. There are priests who abuse children. There are Catholics teaching heresy regularly. Yep. Sure enough, this is the way God has chosen to reveal Himself to us.

Don't ask me why.

Honorary Wretch?

On Danielle Bean's blog:

Does God want all of you on these days too? Does God want the pathetic very best you have to offer at these times too? Yes, I believe He does. Every last wretched bit.

Rest in Peace

Prayer requests from the wretched sisterhood:

The grandfather of Sr. Grass passed away last week.
The grandfather of Sr. Spice passed away this morning.

Please keep both of them and their families in your prayers!

Fr. Shanley takes on V-Day

When Fr. Shanley left CUA to go to Providence College (as their new president), I was definitely saddened... but this makes me smile:

Message Regarding Vagina Monologues

From a man who used to tease me for going to JPII, I love that he just broke out into gift of self language:

In contrast, Roman Catholic teaching sees female sexuality as ordered toward a loving giving of self to another in a union of body, mind, and soul that is ordered to the procreation of new life. The deeper complexity and mystery lies in the capacity of human sexuality, both male and female, to sacramentalize the love of God in marriage. Any depiction of female sexuality that neglects its unitive and procreative dimensions diminishes its complexity, its mystery, and its dignity. Moreover, to explore fully the dignity of woman requires not only a consideration of female sexuality, but also of the capacity of women for intellectual, artistic, moral, and spiritual activity; none of these dimensions are featured in The Vagina Monologues.

Thanks to Jamie for posting this one. (Ad Limina)

2006 Turin Olympian

I just wanted to let you ladies know about a Catholic Olympian, Rebecca Dussault, 25, who is a cross country skier, wife and mother. Her story is posted in the Denver Catholic Register and there's more information about her life on her website which is phenomenal. Just to give you a taste of who she is, this is a quote from her, "I would be remiss if I didn't share with all of you my truest love of all, the Lord Jesus Christ and his Holy Catholic Church. My faith is the most important thing in my life. It is the only thing, which I cannot be parted from and is what gives me daily hope. He is the lover of my soul and my secret hiding place. I will be restless until I rest in Him." Also posted are her ambitions, of which a few are: "to live heroic virtue and become a Saint, have several more children and educate them at home and become an oblate of the Community of St. John." Beautiful!

So if you think about it, say a quick prayer through the intercession of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati for her and her family's safety and that God's will be done with this holy woman striving for sainthood. +JMJ+

Most blessed Mother

Dear Wretches,
I pray that each of you is persevering with our novena to our most blessed Mother. Even though it is still the beginning days, I offer my encouragement knowing that the smallest endeavors can make the most life changing reactions. In my own life, Mary has played a crucial role in my journey toward holiness despite my very wretched state and I am comforted by her presence during this tumultuous battle on earth. Our prayers and intentions will be lovingly heard and so I leave you with this excerpt from True Devotion to Mary,

“She is so full of love that no one who asks for her intercession is rejected, no matter how sinful he may be. The saints say that it has never been known since the world began that anyone had recourse to our Blessed Lady, with trust and perseverance, and was rejected. Her power is so great that her prayers are never refused. She has but to appear in prayer before her Son and he at once welcomes her and grants her requests. The prayers of the dear Mother who bore him and nourished him always lovingly conquer him.”

54-day Rosary Novena

I'm sorry I didn't get this posted on time! I'm such a wretch.

The wretches began a 54-day rosary novena yesterday, January 26th. It will end on the feast of St. Joseph, which this year is celebrated on March 20th. Feel free to jump on board!! It is a wonderful opportunity to join together in common prayer, and encourage one another in making time for prayer.

Sr. Spice has a unique way of praying with us, and for anyone who is struggling with doing a whole rosary, I encourage you to try this out!

Every day for the first week, meditate on the first mystery of the rosary. (Sun, Glorious/ Mon, Joyful/ Tues, Sorrowful/ Weds, Glorious/ Thurs, Luminous/ Fri, sorrowful/ Sat, Joyful) Pray that mystery in the morning, and meditate on that one mystery the whole day long. The second week, take the 2nd mystery, and so on. On the last week, say the whole rosary. Beautiful!!

Then, 9 days before March 20th, we'll start our annual "real" novena to St. Joe. More to come on that one :)

A Mary and Joseph Story

(Printed by approval; Names changed and some details left out to protect the innocent and slightly edited for length- Joseph wrote a lot!)

A man's letter announcing an engagement:

Dear friends,

I proposed yesterday, July 6, on my parents' wedding anniversary. Mary is a stunning beauty, 5'4'', blonde, has beautiful eyes, and a great smile. But more important is her inner beauty that I recognized from day one in her eyes. She has a deep and abiding faith, a gentle manner, incredible artistic skills and more flair and creativity in her pinky finger than I have overall...

The Meeting

Mary and I met last year at the young adult bible study at my parish. I remember noticing a beautiful young woman across the room. After the meeting, Mary and a friend of ours came up to me and said, "Joseph of Nazareth, where do we know you from?" I knew the other young woman, Elizabeth, but I did not know Mary. It turned out that she knew who I was because our sisters would play together occasionally about ten years earlier. My mother had mentioned that she had a son who worked at the local grocery store and, yes, even then my manly charms were to hard to resist, so Mary figured out who I was but never talked to me. It was a nice beginning to a friendship but it did not seem then that it would be anything more. At that point I was not pursuing romantic relationships because of vocational discernment. That didn't keep me from looking her up on the Bethlehem U. website the next day and finding some of her portfolio online. A few times over the summer Mary and I would hang out in larger groups but never one-on-one. We were also together in a group at World Youth Day. Our friendship developed over the course of the summer, but we also kept a little distance because of the mutual attraction and my vocational questions.

The Autumn

In the late summer, my sister was looking for a Confirmation sponsor. I suggested Mary as a good fit because of her deep faith and ability to package that faith in a way that could speak to the world. They hit it off right a way and Mary has been an incredible guide for my sister. Mary and I talked about how it is often easier to evangelize those outside of one's family rather than those within it and I told her how grateful I was to her for sacrificing her time and sponsoring my sister. After Confirmation, we had a big celebration. Mary and I were still just friends but I was so happy for her friendship and for her presence in my sister's life. My mother says that she saw something special between us then.

It was also during this time that I had begun praying more deeply for discernment. A young priest I know in South Bend told me to pray to know whether my fatherhood and husbandry was to be mediated or immediate and to pray with a specific time frame in mind. I still had desires to date and I knew that those desires would remain even if I was called to be a priest. Yet this desire was of a different sort from before as it was not so abstract but more concrete. I began to pray to God to show me if I could date again by the end of Christmas vacation. If nothing was shown to me, then I would be resolved to continue not dating.

Meanwhile, my friendship with Mary continued to deepen. At Thanksgiving time, she and I got together for coffee and ended up spending three hours together. I would later find out that we were meeting on the 27th day of a 54 day Novena that Mary was praying for my discernment. We stayed in touch and then at Christmas-time I came home for about a month. My family and I went to Egypt for Christmas and nothing had changed in prayer, so as we returned home I smiled to myself and assumed that God was saying that the door of dating and marriage were to remain closed.

God is however a God of surprises, a God who acts and overturns our human assumptions. A few days after returning from Egypt I was out with a few friends from World Youth Day including Mary. I had a blast hanging out with the various friends and catching up. Everything seemed pretty ordinary. That night or really early the next morning, I knelt down to pray night prayer. As I was finishing up my prayer before hitting the sack, I experienced movement in my prayer like never before. In a moment of deep clarity, I sensed that God was re-opening the door to dating and telling me to take that leap. (I later learned that the day before, Mary had finished her 54-day Rosary novena for my discernment.) The next couple of days, I prayed and talked to others about what to do. I came to the conviction to call Mary up and ask her out. We had our first date on the birthday of St. Therese, who has been quite an intercessor in our relationship and in my process of discernment.

The Courtship

Well, that day began a beautiful and wonderful relationship in which Mary and I grew in love and in faith. I was so content and at peace when with her. It was effortless to spend hour upon hour with her talking about some heady subject or watching some chick flick (of course it does not hurt that I generally like chick flicks). I was moved beyond myself and began to see the fruits of the relationship in other areas of my life as well. We truly worked with each other trying to pull each other toward holiness. After spending January through May away from each other, we were blessed this summer to have the opportunity to spend several months together in the same city, with a schedule that allowed us to have a more normal relationship. That was a true blessing. As I prayed, reflected, and worked with my spiritual director this summer, I also began to come to the internal conviction that I should take the "Geronimo" leap and ask Mary to marry me. I stewed over this for awhile and prayed more. Much time was spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament in Adoration. Finally, late last week I woke up and decided to go take another look at some rings.

I went to Mass and offered my prayers and communion up in part for courage and conviction. Then I stopped by Adoration very briefly. After leaving Adoration, I dialed the Nazorean House and asked to talk to Joachim. I asked him if I might be able to take him out that night for a beer or for breakfast the next morning to discuss something important. He was nervous as well as he stammered and asked me when I was free that night. We decided to get together that night at Starbucks. Then I headed out with my mom to buy the ring. When I got to Starbucks, Joachim came out and suggested we go to a place that served alcohol. I had brought materials with me to pretend like I was studying in case anyone else ran into us. I also brought a copy of Lawrence v. Texas, the recent Supreme Court case to discuss with Joachim because we had been talking about it the night before. I had it in hand to start the conversation with him, just in case I chickened out, and also in the event that I was asked by anyone what we had been doing, I could truthfully reply, we were discussing that case. We ordered up Hard Mike's Lemonade and starting talking a little about the case. I was avoiding the main subject.

Finally, about 20 minutes to half an hour after getting there, I said, "Well, why don't I get to the point why I called you. I love your daughter and I want to lay my life down for her. I would like to ask for your blessing to ask Mary to marry me." He said, "Yes you have it," shook my hand and breathed a sigh of relief saying, "I was getting worried that I had misread what this was about!" He then told me about how happy Mary was when with me and shared wonderful words with me about the joys and struggles of marriage. We ordered a second round. I also asked him to keep everything a secret until Sunday when I was planning on popping the question. Anne had instructed all of Mary's siblings to keep the meeting a secret.

Sunday came along. Those of you who are married, please let me know if you were as nervous as I was. I woke up at 4 am to go to the bathroom and saw my mom. Then later after another hour of attempting to get to sleep I got up to go to the bathroom again. My mom who was up asked me if I wanted to pray. We prayed a rosary together, the Luminous Mysteries. I went back to sleep for a couple of hours and then got up to get ready to drive down to South Bend with Mary. I had told her that we were going down to Mass and to spend the day with a Professor and his wife. We were in fact going to spend the afternoon with him but we had some business to take care beforehand. After a Mass in which I was a bit nervous and praying fervently, I suggested we go to visit the Grotto. We lit two candles together and placed them next to each other in the rack and then knelt down and prayed. I suggested we sit down at a bench and pray a decade of the Rosary. We prayed the Mystery of the Wedding Feast at Cana. I then turned to Mary, who had applied for a teaching job in Rome, and said, "I don't think you should go to Rome. I don't see you as a Mediterranean girl. I think you are more of an East coast girl. I think you should marry me." Mary wasn't really sure what was going on. She certainly wanted to marry me but I hadn't gotten there yet and hadn't asked her yet.

Then I got down on my knee, pulled out a box with a ring, and asked, "Mary of Nazareth, will you marry me?" She said, "Yes," and then began to hyperventilate. I remained on my knee for a good five minutes and then we went and prayed prayers of thanksgiving at the Grotto. We then headed up to the Basilica where we had just been to Mass and found a priest who blessed the ring and our hands in the font and our future marriage. It was a fitting way to celebrate and consecrate the moment. We called our families. Finally, we headed over to the professor's for lunch. Their family knew that I was going to pop the question and so had a bouquet of flowers ready and a bridal magazine there. They had been praying for me that I didn't get cold feet as well. It turns out that Mary had been praying during the week as well that I would pop the question at the Grotto. When we originally scheduled the trip, I hadn't been certain I was going to do it there but it seems that her prayers were answered and so many of mine as well. Anyhow, we are excited. We hope to be married as soon as possible. Now it just becomes an issue of finding a church and arranging schedules.

For those of you who have never met Mary, I cannot wait for you to meet her. I don't call her the woman of my dreams. Rather, I call her the woman of my reality. Her presence in my life is an incredible blessing and I am so thankful that God put her into my life and that he led me to this point. Please pray for us as we enter into this time of engagement that we grow deeper in love and fidelity to Christ and to each other.

God Bless,
Joseph

Albacete is the Man

Read the whole article by Msgr. Albacete here on Godspy

When Fr. Luigi Giussani was asked whether he was not anguished to see the small number of faithful Catholics in certain areas of public life, he replied as follows:

"Certainly, the pain is great. However, the certainty that Christ is the answer to all the problems of human life brings me tranquility. Christ, who is alive in the present, allows the creation of a relationship with people which, without judgments of any kind, involves you in relationships with men and women that engages them with the proposal that nourishes your life. Men and women will come together for this. A different climate emerges in the social atmosphere. The pastoral concerns for recovering lost ground and such things end up by treating the Church as an organization, agency, office, or even political party. But the Church is mystery... We must only be concerned about announcing Christ, so as to bring together men and women in the name of Christ and confront history together with them. A great network of relationships is born from this, and its 'successes' or human failures are in the hands of the Father. Let God sort it out Himself. It is not for us to judge if someone does or does not respond to the call of Christ. We must simply exalt the Church" (II Sabah), August 9, 1988).

This is also a great line: "I see what you see, but I see more," Father Giussani said.

Enlightening...

Greetings dear wretchlets! What a great site, Mother Earth! Let's all connect around the world! It was such a blessing to visit the beginnings of all sisterly wretchedness in D.C. this past weekend and meet several of you! My heart is full of joy at the wonders God is working in our lives! And praises to Him for the rampant extension of the sorority across the nation and the oceans too!!
I just wanted to share with you a highlight from my day that comes from the 'Call to Faith' textbook I use in class with 6th graders for faith formation. Its straight-forwardness, simple yet profound, resounded in my soul and caused me to exalt the Lord! "As often happens today, many people in Jesus' day equated happiness with trouble-free lives, security, and wealth. Jesus calls you to a form of happiness that is greater than any happiness that material things can give. To help you follow this path of holiness, the Holy Spirit empowers you with a willing heart, self-discipline, the strength to pray, and the courage to keep your eyes focused on God." Amen!!
WoW - What a God of faithfulness and generosity have we! Glorify Him! y'all in my prayers!

What are you reading?

I just finished a fun little book, which I had to do very early in the semester when I do not feel toooo guilty not reading for class.

Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynn Truss. It was delightful! The subtitle is: A Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. No, really, it is a book all about punctuation. She makes you feel sorry for the apostrophe and appreciate its hard work; support semicolon usage; sing the praises of the comma; and other such punctuation points.

I also finished Blink. It was ok. Anyone else?

Wave, Spice and Grass

Danielle Rose

Last night was such an amazing experience. Catholic singer and songwriter Danielle Rose gave an informal concert at a friend's house for about 25 young adults in the area. She was incredible. It was almost like being in heaven, the Holy Spirit was present, each song was a prayer, and I felt so encouraged and challenged to live better.

Danielle shared with us the songs she is working on for her next album about Mother Teresa. I am trying to hold on to them in my head so that I can sing them as reflections in prayer. Mother's words, prayers the Missionaries of Charity pray each day, the litany of humility, the Memorare, all set to music. I cannot wait until that CD comes out and I can pray in that way. Danielle is really special, God loves her so much and has shown it in extravagent ways. She is humble and authentic, and we loved it so much that Spring and I are going to her real concert tonight too.

Check out Danielle's website

Coooookies

Holidays = Cookies.

In my big Italian family, food is of crucial importance. You arrive somewhere: "You must be hungry! Let me make you something." But more importantly: "Here, have some cookies."

Every holiday and every big event (weddings, funerals, Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, anniversaries) results in huge platters of cookies from the family. The picture on the left (a random online one) is nothing in comparison.

My great-grandfather was a baker when he came to America, and remained one until he was 86 years old. His sister, his children, everyone knows their way around the kitchen. My dad is good, when he does it. My mom is a baker too. We love baking!
There is a sense of abundance and extravagence in cookies. As Charlie said in the Chocolate Factory, candy doesn't have to have a point; That's why it's candy. The cookies at our celebrations are, first and foremost, homemade. There is never, ever, ever, anything bought from a store or made from refrigerated Pillsbury dough. Nothing is really plain. Chocolate chip cookies are rare, pizzelles and thumbprints more common. Peanut butter cookies with peanut butter cups inside... nutrolls... 7 layer cookies... princess bars (heavenly, with dates)... mmmm. All of these things take time, which is perhaps the most crucial point. Here we live in an instant gratification world, and these cookies are a testimony to patience and details. Some of my aunts participate in cookie swaps- brilliant. Since every recipe makes dozens of cookies, you get together with some friends and come home with 4 or 5 of each kind. It is such a good tradition, and I hope to do that soon enough. Maybe I should start next year :)

This post does not have much of a point... kind of like the greatness of cookies. ha.